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ON MENTAL WELLNESS: Adapting to Change

Jack Bragen
Sunday June 05, 2022 - 02:46:00 PM

People with psychiatric issues have a harder time adapting to changes in life compared to the neuro typical. I have heard this said by a professional who worked with mentally ill people, and I've seen it in myself and in neuro atypical peers. Sometimes when we face a major life challenge, it is enough to bring back severe symptoms to the extent that we could wind up hospitalized again. One example of this is when we must deal with a death in the family. 

When there is a death in one's family, it is universally hard, with very few exceptions. When an older person loses their spouse, someone they may have been with for five decades, the surviving spouse often falls apart on the inside and out. When a parent loses a child, I’m guessing it is incredibly hard. 

I lost my father ten years ago. And when I went on his Neptune Society boat trip, its destination barely beyond the Golden Gate Bridge and back, I bawled the entire time. It was the same thing at my father's memorial that followed. Countless times, I've wished he could still be around to offer help or at least to offer some advice. He is irreplaceable, and I am weaker without him around. I did not live with him--not in decades, yet when I needed help with something or just to visit at Baldie's Diner in Union City, he would often be available. He sometimes counseled me and my wife over the phone when we had major disagreements. 

Since I have a psychiatric disability, it was especially hard to adapt to a death in the family. Mentally ill people often rely more heavily on family compared to others in the quest to keep our heads above water, on many levels; emotionally, financially and in other ways. Many mentally ill adults live with family even into their forties and beyond. I've been blessed that I haven't had to move in with family. But I continue to rely on family members in other ways. When one of us passes away it is very hard, more so compared to someone who is more able. 

The above paragraphs describe one type of change. And there are many others. When the caprice of fate dictates that we must move to a new residence, and this is something that happens to many who rent rather than own, moving is a monumental challenge. As a fifty-seven-year-old, I don't have the physical get-up-and-go that I once had. I'm dealing with the cumulative effects of being medicated since nineteen. And now, I'm getting arthritis. Therefore, it is very hard to accomplish the physical tasks that are needed if I was in a position of relocating. I hope to remain where I am for as long as I can. I recently flirted with the idea of moving, thinking it would make my life better. And this had disastrous results, even thinking about it, or saying to people that I wanted to. If I truly went forward with a move, things would get ten times harder than they were when I merely thought I was going to move. Changing residence is a very hard thing. More so if you have a psychiatric disability. Aside from the tasks involved in moving, the money needed, and the need to remain organized, trying to move is a massive challenge. It is something we may not be capable of without external help. Once moved, we must adapt to new neighbors, a new property manager or property owner, a new neighborhood, and the possibility of mishaps. 

Even changing vehicles can be hard for a mentally ill person. If we're doing it through a dealership, the administrative tasks involved when we sit down with a salesperson can be a tall order. Once that's done, it is not so much hassle if you assume that the replacement vehicle doesn't have mechanical problems. 

Changes to our bodies as we age require adaptation. We can't do all the things we once could do. This can be frightening for some. It can at least require ingenuity to figure out how to get around a limitation. 

In general, life is very doable for a person with mental illness in our twenties because we have youth, and we have the help of parents. When in our twenties, we are also perceived by others in a more tolerant light. When we reach the point where we must fend for ourselves, and I am getting to this point or have already reached it, it can be terrifying. 

Change of anything is hard for a mentally ill person. Yet change is the only thing we can count on; all things must change. 


Jack Bragen is author of: “Revising Behaviors that Don’t Work,” and lives in Martinez.