Extra

I'm approaching sixty years, and to give this essay some pre-tangentiality: For someone with my diagnosis and my history to be even alive, much less writing for small newspapers, and not living with my mother, is a substantial accomplishment. Yet, along the way, many people, during this time, have harassed, heckled, doubted, scoffed, and in some instances, physically attacked me. When you are successful and you are mentally ill, it seems that you invoke the scorn of many people.

When you are on your way to achieving something, other people don't like it. This is a general observation, and it doesn't solely apply to people with disabilities. When other people can't do what you have done, often they can't handle it. 

Invalidation is a weapon. It is deployed to attack people in their minds. If you get enough of it, some of it will inevitably find its way in. It harms self-esteem. It harms self-confidence. It harms people's souls and their identities. It is doled out generously in the places where mentally ill people go. 

Often, invalidation is unintentional, with no malice, and wishing a person only the best. Rather, it stems from bad assumptions skewing the perceptions of the inadvertent invalidator. It is propagated through interactions. For example, if someone is identified as a mentally ill person, a self-believed wiser person wants to show them the best way to do something they already know very well how to do, such as the best way to pour a glass of ice water, or the best way to bake a cake. Or, assuming we don't know anything, explaining something very basic in terms they'd think someone in the twelfth grade could understand. Such as, "Magnetic North is not exactly the same as actual North." 

Unintentional invalidation causes harm just as does intentional invalidation. Yet, you can't prejudge someone's level of competence--not by their physical appearance, not by what other people have said about them, and not even by whether they come across to you as intelligent. I've been invalidated plenty of times, and it was caused by people making incorrect assumptions. Or it was caused by malice. Or...maybe it was done because a group of people believed, "That Jack Bragen guy is sure good to pick on." 

How to deal with invalidation? We must value ourselves. We must do so generously, unbreakably, deeply, at the core. And, by coincidence, self-validation can get you through a lot of very difficult situations in life. It can also prevent people from thinking they can "get you" without repercussions. A self-validated person is better at self-defense. And getting angry may be part of that. 

Getting tangential again: 

Anger itself, which I believe is partly a product of valuing yourself, can help you. Classically, in some psychological models and in some spiritual practices, you supposedly don't need your anger. I believe you need your anger. 

If you have been brainwashed into a cult, you may need your anger to un-brainwash yourself. If you are psychotic, on the other hand, excessive anger is a problem. When you are "decompensating" (itself a provocative terminology, but please excuse) you might be excessively angry, and that's how others might realize something is wrong. Anger isn't good or bad. Sometimes you need it, and sometimes it is poison. 

Invalidation hurts us, and it doesn't really matter why someone does it. But our own self-worthiness and self-validity are central to going from start to finish in good form.