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1989 was the year in which I had my most recent decay related work on my teeth, in which I received my most recent speeding citation (by a local motorcycle cop) and is the beginning year of my federal disability claim. At the time I received the speeding ticket, I was working, and I was driving a Plymouth Horizon owned by Rocket Pizza, where I made a modest living as a delivery driver. The tooth decay was fixed with ceramic fillings. In modern times, I haven't seen any dentists say they are willing to provide them. I was still in my twenties, and many things took place that cumulatively derailed me from continuing to do work for a living. But life is easier if you just can work, rather than trying to do all of the stuff involved in the life of a disabled person. 

I recall that I was driving well above the speed limit on a road in Concord, and I spotted the motorcycle cop on a side road visibly holding a stopwatch above his head while looking at me. As soon as I saw him follow in the rearview mirror, I pulled over without the need for him to turn on any lights. It was a situation in which I was caught, and it was as simple as that. 

The motorcycle cop who gave me the speeding ticket was polite and he suggested traffic school as a way of preventing my auto insurance from being raised and preventing a mark on my driving record. So, I went to traffic school. 

At traffic school, the instructor emphasized the statement: "Stress Will Kill You." If you are too stressed, many bad results can follow, including but not limited to getting into a very bad car wreck. According to the traffic school instructor, a great number of car accidents took place when drivers had distracting, stressed out thoughts running through their minds. 

But the idea: "Stress Will Kill You" is applicable to numerous other things in life. I personally suffer from hypertension, and it is a lot worse when I feel stressed out. One of the main reasons that my psychiatric disorder is disabling rather than it being an unrelated issue, is that I get massively stressed out in job environments. Stress can worsen paranoid symptoms. (Additionally, lack of adequate medication can cause excessive stress that feeds on the stress itself.) 

I recently blew out my left knee while moving furniture, and now I need to sometimes walk with a cane so that I can give the left side some relief. But before that happened, I seriously considered working for Doordash to make some extra money. I'm fortunate in retrospect that I can't do Doordash. The level of stress inherent in that job could've easily given me a stroke. 

I am being evaluated by the State because they want information about me to consider whether I should stop getting Social Security. The only good that came out of it so far is the urgency with which I need to address the blood pressure issue. (If I get knocked off Social Security, I don't know what I'm going to do, since I can't make a professional job materialize out of nowhere.) 

I'm planning to devote a future manuscript to the reevaluations that the Social Security Administration is doing to disabled people in large numbers. It is draconian. And the distress that it causes us can have some very bad effects. 

For people with mental illness, stress should be kept at a minimum. However, you can't get though a day without some amount of stress. 

It is fine to say people should try harder and people should just push themselves through the stress and then it will get easier. But this is not so in all instances. Sometimes, a thing is just too hard. And when mentally ill, we may have well-intentioned family, friends, or people in the mental health system who believe we can take the punishment if we just try. Yet, the fact is, sometimes we need to ease up, for the sake of our own well-being, and to prevent catastrophic effects. 

And when we get older, we aren't as resilient, and we cannot keep trying to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. It has to end at some point, and one hopes the challenges we face do not end in tragedy.