Columns

Stop Making Sense

Sometimes a mishearing still makes sense. Last week, I thought I heard a friend say: "Depression is a bad way to start the day." It turned out the speaker (who was perusing the morning Chronicle) actually said: "The press is a bad way to start the day."

Reads true either way. 

The Name's the Game 

The Progressive Populist has a new columnist and, from his name alone, you would assume this is a journalist you can trust. 

What's his name? Frank Lingo. And isn't the phrase "frank lingo" is just another way of saying "straight talk." 

I wonder how many other people might have names that match their calling. Is there a soup-kitchen cook named "Phil Bowles"? A repeat criminal named "Rob Banks"? A horticulturalist named "Rose Gardener"? Hmmmm, maybe I could get a gig as a social media pontificator if I changed my name to "Max Kred." 

A Short List of Deadpan Comments 

A friend of mine—a retired Army officer-turned-peace activist—recently responded to a joke in one of my emails by replying: "You slay me!" Her comment was meant to be light-hearted but it stopped me like a slap to the jaw. And it got me thinking. 

Our culture seems to have become too comfortable with phrases that equate murder with success and achievement. Other examples: The stand-up comic who sums up his command of the audience by crowing: "I was killin' 'em!" Or the Wall Street investor who proclaims: "I made a killing on the market." Or the sports fan who hoots a delighted cry of: "We murdered the other team!" I've also heard delighted cries of: "We annihilated them!" Fortunately, I have yet to hear anyone boast: "We assassinated the competition." 

House for Sale: Brother Can You Spare a Million? 

The Sexton Group, a real estate company in North Berkeley, recently mailed an oversized postcard to Berkeley homeowners announcing that a 1,233 square-foot, two-bedroom home in the 1600 block of Hopkins Street had been sold for $1,625,000. (It had been listed at $1,095,000.) The Sexton realtors didn't have to go out of their way to seal the deal, either. Their office (at 1624 Hopkins) was located right across the street from the million-dollar domicile. 

Karmic Strips 

With the exception of Sundays, Garry Trudeau's daily Doonesbury strip is in reruns, so reading these old panels can sometimes cause some jarring disconnects. A recent offering, however, showed that progress can be made with the passage of time. 

In the reprinted strip from August 1996, pot-head entrepreneur Zonker Harris asks a colleague named Cornell why he's sounding stressed. 

Cornell replies: "I cant get hold of any pot for our AIDS patients. Our regular sources have been spooked ever since the Cannabis Buyers Club in San Francisco got raided." Zonker is shocked: "You mean, where all the elderly cancer patients go to puff?" Yes, Cornell replies: "100 heavily armed narcs stormed it with a battering ram." 

The official who ordered the raid, California Republican Attorney General Dan Lungren, was not amused. Within hours, the New York Times reported, Lungren called a press conference to denounce Trudeau's strip. ''No one should be laughing,'' said Lungren. Then, as the New York Times reported, Lungren "ask[ed] newspapers in the state to censor the rest of the week's cartoons as a public service." 

It's good to see there's been some progress in the past 25 years. 

Jimmy Kimmel Strips Emperor Trump 

Doonesbury's Gary Trudeau has also made a public pledge that, henceforth, whenever Donald Trump makes an appearance in his strip, the Twice-impeached Loser will be depicted with blood on his hands. Late Show host Stephen Colbert has similarly vowed never to utter Trump's name on air. And now, in his November 23 opening monologue, talk show host Jimmy Kimmel has solemnly announced: "if I'm forced to show a video clip of Donald Trump blabbering about this or that, from now on, the 'emperor' will appear with no clothes." 

Go to minute 1:35 in the following video, if you dare. Viewers' Discretion Advised: Once seen, the obscene scene cannot be "unseen." 

Shoot to Kyle (But Never Say Die) 

The judge in the Kyle Rittenhouse murder trial revealed a shocking streak of bias when he instructed the jurors that the two men shot and killed by the teen-age militia-boy were not to be called "victims" but were to be referred to as "looters" and "arsonists." 

This partisan tendency to pamper certain practitioners of violence also cropped up in Britain recently, when a BBC anchor reporting on violence in Gaza was caught telling viewers that a number of Israelis had been "killed" in the conflict while some Palestinians had simply "died." 

White-Wing-of-the-Rightwing Courts Killer Kyle 

Meanwhile, a White Sovereignty scrimmage erupted as rival members of the GOP Right raced to claim the jury-acquitted Kenosha Killer as their own. Madison Cawthorn (R-NC) immediately went on Instagram to offer Rittenhouse a job. Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) announced plans to offer Rittenhouse a post as a Congressional intern. Rep. Paul Gosar (R-AZ) vowed he would "arm wrestle Matt Gaetz to get dibs for Kyle as an intern." TrumpleThinSkin" even invited the sobbing slayer over for a visit at Mar-a-Lago. 

Be forewarned, America. If Der Trumpf re-seizes power in 2024, he might well appoint Rittenhouse to head his Department of Homeland Security. 

'Pentagon Roulette' Is 'Russian Roulette with Nukes' 

On October 19, the Pentagon and its NATO allies began a major military exercise along the Russian border. It lasted through November and was called "Global Thunder." On November 23, Russia's Defense Minister Sergei Shoigu called a press conference to complain that the US had carried out a "simulated nuclear strike" against Russia by launching 30 flights of "10 strategic bombers… employing nuclear weapons … from the western and eastern directions" and coming "within 12.4 miles" of Russia's borders. 

Who was the Pentagon strategist who came up with the idea of naming a simulated atomic first-strike air attack on Russia "Global Thunder"? That title sounds like (A) the next Avengers movie or (B), the last thing humans will hear as the planet explodes around us. 

A Peace Hero's Reflection on Thanksgiving 

What a disconnect we're living in. The calendar tells us it's holiday time — "so take your mind off those daily worries and go stuff yourself" — meanwhile our over-baked planet is going to pot roast. 

US Army vet, author ("Blood on the Tracks"), and international peace activist S. Brian Willson recently emailed some thoughts about the holiday known as "Thanksgiving Day." Worth sharing, I thought. So here's some perspective from a courageous Vietnam War soldier-turned-protester who lost his legs when a munitions train ran him over at the Port Chicago Naval Weapons Station: 

"The Viet Nam War was one of many ugly, barbaric wars waged by our nation in the Twentieth Century justified with espousal of the outrageous “domino theory,” concocted during the Cold War. Violent wars to fight the Communist bogeyman, however, is merely a modern version of the historical genocidal violence driven by dread of the pan-Indian movements that date from before the Pequots and Narragansetts of New England. 

"If one group of 'natives' is allowed to exist free of Western market control, what is to stop others from liberating themselves—from rising up, one after another, to throw off their 'association of the philanthropic, the pious and the profitable' called colonialism? No alliances for cooperation and protection are allowed that are deemed threatening to the European investor/exploiter invasion of the New World. And that philosophy tries to rule today, despite millions of people resisting this imperial cruel control." 

Given the murderous blades/swords/knives/bayonets history surrounding the holiday, maybe the holiday could be renamed "Shanksgiving." 

Brian's Commentary on the Recent Election in Nicaragua 

On November 26, following the recent controversial presidential election in Nicaragua, S. Brian Willson was moved to share this personal account of his encounter with Nicaragua's new First Lady: 

"Within a couple of days after I was nearly assassinated—by an accelerating US Navy munitions train in Concord, CA, on September 1, 1987, barely escaping death—I was visited by the First Lady of Nicaragua, the beautiful 36-year-old Rosario Murillo, wife of President Daniel Ortega, accompanied by several of her children.  

"She went to the scene of the crime at the railroad tracks where my blood was still visible, and then came to my bedside with her children as I was just beginning to recover from multiple traumatic injuries at John Muir Hospital in Walnut Creek. 

"At a press conference in San Francisco, she held up a photo taken 5 months earlier in March of me shaking hands with a young Sandinista soldier amputee. Never could I have imagined I would soon become an amputee myself …. 

"The US government claimed I was a 'domestic terrorist,' which helps explain why the train crew on that day was ordered not to stop, but to barrel through. 

"The munitions train was carrying death weapons destined to murder campesinos in Nicaragua and El Salvador. Fortunately, I did survive, absent two legs below my knees, a serious skull fracture and many broken bones, but I remain committed as ever to actively oppose cruel, criminal, and insane US imperialism, in Central America, including Nicaragua, and elsewhere around the world. 

"Ms. Murillo remains a tireless defender of Nicaragua's Sandinista revolution, once again serving as First Lady to President Daniel Ortega, as well as having been elected once again to be Vice-President of the country. 

"I will always appreciate her caring visit when I was just barely alive." 

Yip! Yip! Hooray 

This just in: Three Rooms Press has just revealed the first galleys of Berkeley resident Judy Gumbo's autobiography, Yippie Girl: Exploits in Protest and Defeating the FBI. The book is due to hit the bookstore shelves in May 2022. 

With word this week that director and deadhead Martin Scorsese has hired Jason Hill to star as Jerry Garcia in a new film about the Grateful Dead, I'm wondering if Hollywood might consider a screen adaptation of Yippie Girl? If so, who would be cast in the staring role? Zendaya as a Lefty teen action hero with Lady Gaga as the grown-up Gumbo? 

Divest Is Best: Who Will Fail the Test? 

CODEPINK and Divest from the War Machine have invited denizens of the House and Senate to sign the following pledge. Let's watch and see who signs on. 

I commit to refusing campaign contributions over $200 from PACs, executives or organizations representing the top five weapons manufacturers: Lockheed Martin, Northrop Grumman, Raytheon, Boeing and General Dynamics. I also commit to refusing campaign contributions from the National Rifle Association.  

For more information, see http://www.divestfromwarmachine.org 

Getting More Bank for Your Buck — While the Planet Buckles 

While CODEPINK is focusing its attention on the behavior of solo solons in the capital, the Daily Kos Liberation League (DKLL) has launched a petition challenging major US banks to stop funding "climate-wrecking oil/coal/gas operations." 

The banking industry has made obligatory promises to clean-up/close-down their Pollution Portfolios but words are not deeds. As DKLL notes: 

"Since the Paris Agreement, top Wall Street banks (Bank of America, JPMorgan, Citigroup, Wells Fargo) have pledged their commitment to reach net-zero emissions by 2050. Yet, they are still investing trillions into projects that have devastating impacts on the environment and contribute to appalling human rights violations of Indigenous people.  

"JP Morgan Chase, Wells Fargo, CITI, and Bank of America all lead in bank financing for 2,300 companies across the fossil-fuel life-cycle, with JP Morgan Chase consistently deemed the world's worst fossil banker. CITI Banks is known for its commitment to funding the 100 companies with the most harmful expansion plans (like Exxon and Enbridge). Wells Fargo is the world's top fracking funder, and Bank of America had the highest financing of Liquified Natural Gas of any bank in 2020. 

It's high time the Big Banks end the charade and start seriously investing in universal survival instead of any individual's gross profits. "Big Oil's business model is about to render our homes, towns, and villages uninhabitable thanks to pollution-fueled climate collapse," Kos castigates, "Don't bank on oil. There's no honor in promoting Carbonalism 

An Antidote to Holiday Santa Claustrophobia 

Tired of the same tried-and-truly boring medley of holiday sing-alongs? Rejoice! Nancy Schimmel has come up with an alternative to "Silent Night," "Joy to the World" and "The Little Drummer Boy." As Schimmel explains: "I wrote the words to 'Mrs. Claus' driving home from a visit to Inverness at this time of the year back in the last century…. Several local cabaret singers have taken up the song but, of course, we would like it to be world famous, so, if you enjoy it, please pass it on!"