Columns

The coronavirus pandemic has turned out to be a lengthy stretch that challenges people's endurance. There is not only the disease itself to consider, but also the aftermath. Many with psychiatric conditions are hit awfully hard by these circumstances. Many months ago, the term "mental health" went mainstream and became applicable to everyone who has been struggling to deal with this. 

In combination with this, we have a horrendous political situation, which in turn has created a toxic social situation. Whichever side you are on, we must agree on one thing at least: that things are not good. I am affected by all of this. My marriage and family relations have been adversely affected. I have been adversely affected. 

I have never been cured from my psychotic condition and I do not claim to be. I am predominantly in remission because I comply with medication and I get a lot of help from the mental health treatment system, even though I often criticize them in my writing. I also get a lot of support from family. 

There is no cure for most mental illnesses. I was first diagnosed as having Schizophrenia, Paranoid-type, in the 1980's and 90's. The diagnosis has been changed to schizoaffective disorder. No one has seen me in a full relapse since the 1990's, and that may be the reason the diagnosis was shifted. Some psychiatrists were still wearing diapers in the 90's. If I went off medication, my diagnosis change could be reversed. But so long as meds are made available, I'll take them. 

The fact that I'm not cured doesn't disqualify me to write this column or to be somewhat an authority on the subject, based on a pool of knowledge derived from personal experience and a lot of contemplation. 

For example, I've studied Buddhist concepts and how they are applicable to the predicament of mental illness. Although meditation doesn't cure mental illness, mindfulness can ease many of the bumps that are on the path of being mentally ill. It can also be a good adjunct to medication. A specific of this: I've changed how I feel about things, and I am less attached than I was to people, places, things, and thoughts. This makes it easier to let go of a delusion than it would otherwise be. A second specific: the life of a mentally ill man or woman has numerous disappointments, and mindfulness allows more acceptance of this. 

You do not have to be cured to know something about mental illness. I've managed my condition very successfully since 1996, I've kept a roof over my head, I've participated in a marriage in which I remain married to the same person, and I handle my own business dealings. I've also been employed, self-employed, and have had hundreds of manuscripts published, including a lot of fiction, commentary, and self-help. If you can do that while at the same time having a diagnosis of schizoaffective, it says something. 

I am in the process of enrolling in treatment that is more intensive than what I usually get. It is much more than I need, but it is a better compromise than having an hour a week of therapy over Zoom, and nothing else. Currently I have far too much alone time, and it isn't good for me. My condition in some respects is worse than it was. I've had too much paranoia, and this has begun to adversely affect my behavior, more so than it did. 

It is like the yogi who was questioned about being diagnosed with cancer. Someone asked him how it was that he was a yogi and had cancer--shouldn't he be immune or be able to cure himself? The answer is an obvious "no." Self-mastery does not make a person immune to all physical disease. The yogi replied that he couldn’t cure his cancer through meditation, yet by meditating he could enjoy his life to the fullest while he suffered from his cancer. 

For me, the truth is murkier than what I've described above. In this column I'm often giving advice in general terms on how to be well and do well with mental illness. How is it then, that I got worse? Answer: it is the nature of my condition. It is inescapable that some of the time, things will be worse. I can tell you that when I do get worse, I will invariably get more help (even if sometimes it is at the prompting of family, such as my wife), and this follows the kind of advice that I might offer in my column. 

I expect I will continue with this column and with all my other writing activities. The extra help does not prevent that, and it may make my mind better which in turn will raise the quality of my product. I will keep you updated.