Columns

Author's Note: This week's column describes a very painful and sensitive subject that could be traumatizing to some readers. It discusses premature death of mentally ill people. This is not intended to be read by anyone unprepared for discussion of this subject. 

When a parent loses a mentally ill offspring directly or indirectly due to the mental illness, it is very painful, which is something I've seen. I could never fully understand it. Yet, I assume that almost any parent wants their offspring to outlive them. Some may want us to produce grandchildren, while others support and even insist on the decision not to have children--if we are unable to provide for them. But this column is about mentally ill people not living exceedingly long, and not outliving our parents. 

For our own sake as mentally ill people, we probably don't want to die any sooner than we have to. There are numerous causes of a mentally ill man or woman dying prematurely. And in some cases, measures can be taken to avoid this fate. One of these measures is to listen to the body. 

The body has numerous mechanisms to inform consciousness that something is wrong. Pain is at the top of the list. Painkillers will short-circuit that warning and put us at risk for becoming hooked. They are to be avoided with the possible exceptions of ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin) and acetaminophen (Tylenol). If you have pain, it could mean something is wrong and you should do something about it, such as seeing a doctor. Or maybe a particular thing you did caused the pain. Then, the message behind the pain is "don't do that anymore." I do not ascribe to the "no pain, no gain" concept because I believe pain exists for a reason. 

Muscle, back or joint pain generally means something is going on with the body that is not life-threatening. The body wants to have all of its parts working, and this type of pain is due to how we evolved. Other pain is more serious. A headache could mean tension, or it could mean something more serious. Stomach pain could mean eating something you shouldn't eat, or it could mean you're sick with something. 

Aside from listening to pain as a strategy for living longer, we should listen to our emotions. If our emotions are painful, it could mean that we should change something in our lives--or such distress could be resolvable with mindfulness. This is a far better idea than taking one's own life. Suicide is irreversible and it leaves loved ones behind to pick up the pieces and to go through the hell of knowing you're gone. When I contemplated suicide, one of the biggest reasons for not making any attempt at it was the consideration of how other people would feel. 

I've met mentally ill people who later committed suicide and I've met others who died suddenly and prematurely of "natural causes." In both cases the parents didn't take it well. Even if we feel desperate, we should do what is needed to keep ourselves healthy. In some instances, the solution is to get more help. There is no situation I'm aware of in which a mentally compromised person should just "tough it out" or should be dealt with through "tough love." Compassion isn't about being tough. If we need help, we should get it. 

People are too mean. When we deal with enough of this, it can be disheartening. 

People with mental illness may have a lot of impairment in communicating what we feel and why we feel this way. We may have a lot of difficulty explaining actions, which could often be misunderstood. Often, we have very good reasons for feeling and acting the way we do. When others misunderstand us, it may cause social rejection. While this doesn't normally cause death, it is one of many factors. Being able to socialize, to have meaningful people contact, and to love and be loved, are helpful for living longer and living better. If we can communicate our needs, and if we can communicate why we've behaved in ways that others find inexplicable, it helps keep friends rather than losing them. Also, we must have the ability to apologize, and we must have the ability to change behaviors that don't work. 

Noncompliance with treatment is a substantial contributing cause of premature death. Noncompliance can kill us when we are young. On the other hand, we may have good enough instincts when young that we could survive an episode of severe mental illness. Yet when we get beyond age forty, we may not be blessed with bodies resilient enough to survive the stresses of this. 

Police can cause the premature death of a mentally ill individual. When they aren't adequately trained or if they shouldn't have been serving in the police force in the first place, they may use excessive force that leads to the deaths of those with a severe episode of mental illness. Or if police place us in a jail, at a time when the appropriate thing for us is the hospital, this can cause premature death. In a jail environment we may not be getting psych meds, hypertension meds, diabetes meds, or other necessities. We may not be able to adapt to the incredibly difficult, horrible, and very demanding environment to which inmates are subject. In a hospital, the focus is on helping a person get well and not on punishing a person. This is a fundamental difference. 

One statistic says that the average lifespan of a mentally ill person is twenty to thirty years less than the median lifespan of Americans. I'm not sure if this takes into account the numerous ways a mentally ill person can die, or whether it just refers to "natural causes." Either way, something should be done to fix this. In this piece, I've pointed to a grisly, bad problem. I hope that in most of my columns I am a bit more positive. 

Jack Bragen lives in Martinez, California with his wife, Joanna Bragen and sells books on lulu.com, including "Instructions for Dealing with Schizophrenia: A Self-Help Manual," and "Jack Bragen's 2021 Fiction Collection."