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The mental health treatment system and other authorities can force us to accept treatment. And much of the time, this is helpful. But they cannot force us to believe their spiel that we are intrinsically inferior.

It is hard enough for a young adult to acknowledge and accept that they have a serious mental disorder. They should never, on top of that, try to swallow the pill that says they will never amount to anything, that they will never be able to have a professional career, that they will not be accepted in society, and that they will never be normal.

A psychiatric disability doesn't equate with dumb. Ignorance is widespread concerning psychiatric problems, and even people of high intelligence and achievement often do not really understand that being mentally ill does not mean you can't do anything of substance. Talented people often fall prey to the same ignorant beliefs as anyone else. 

I do not understand why, today, the prejudice and stigma of the public toward mentally ill people has become increasingly worse in the last two decades than it was in the nineteen eighties through the year 2000. Yet, I've noted far more bigotry directed at me for being mentally ill today compared to any other time in my adult life. 

Many people attribute stupidity to me by looking at my outward appearance. I don't know where this comes from. It seems I have developed an outer facade that enables me to blend in among those of lower socioeconomic status. That is a guess. And if it is so, it is some type of natural protection rendered by my subconscious. If I looked like a super smart person, roughnecks would come after me a lot more than they do now. 

Within the last ten years, when I've demonstrated basic competence and some abilities of a normal adult, I've surprised people. This points to an assumption that I am supposed to be an idiot. Why am I not an idiot when I am mentally ill? Because it's apples and oranges. Being schizoaffective does not make a person an idiot. The perception that mentally ill people are necessarily incompetent is self-sustaining because it rubs off on the patient. When we allow people to convince us that we are intrinsically inferior, we begin to think and behave that way. This limits the mind--more so than medication does. 

When I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, in 1982, the diagnosis was probably correct, but the prognosis was bogus. The psychiatrist, Dr. Trachtenberg, said I could do fairly well for a while. Then, when I was outpatient, I was told I should do the same kind of brainless work that I'd done before I became ill. Yet it was that line of work that contributed to becoming sick. 

A few years later I went to trade school and learned more electronics than I'd known as a hobbyist. I was the top student in a class of ten very bright students. I took a job in television repair. I was successful at television repair for several years after that. The limitation was my low capacity to handle stress--it was not a lack of smarts. 

My intellect is very good, and I am able to keep it separate from symptoms of paranoia and delusions. This allows me to engage my mind to help fix my mind. This would not be possible if I did not take medication. Therapy is helpful when the therapist is good. Ram Dass: "The therapy is only as high as the therapist." 

I am in an extraordinarily challenging phase in life. I have multiple health issues that I have to stop ignoring, I'm looking at housing insecurity and income insecurity, I have massive obligations of time and energy, and I am unsure of my chances of getting out of all of this. At the same time, I'm trying to forward my writing efforts. Are these the efforts of an incompetent person? Or is this a sort of crisis that many people would find terrifying? 

Some people have believed I'd be defunct long ago. I did not accept that. There is no reason that a person should accept other people's assessments of oneself. To do so is almost like surrendering one's will and one's destiny to an enemy. 

We cannot control or predict the future. We can only try. But we will never try anything if we allow mental health professionals to implant beliefs in us that we are not capable. And while we may need to face a simple fact that we may have a psychiatric condition that responds to treatment, and while this acknowledgment benefits us, how does it benefit us to agree with people who tell us we don't have a mind? And if we never try anything, rest assured, we will never accomplish anything.