Public Comment

I hate to be the one to say it but, if Bernie Sanders wants to stand up for America, he's got to do something about his posture. 

While all the other candidates are trotting around with heads held high and chests proudly thrust forward, Bernie schleps around like a crotchety alte kaker, raising his fist, raising his voice, and looking like grandpa trying to find his walker. 

Like Trump, Bernie doesn't seem to have much patience for dialog and chatty conversations. Instead, he has a tendency to rail and rant. While Trump enforces his rumblings by framing his bellows with two sub-sized hands seemingly frozen in the "OK sign" (aka the "WP" White Power sign), Bernie's preferred speaking stance is to lean forward with his fist held high while he lambasts billionaires in a rasping, booming baritone. 

It's never a good sign when a speaker's posture becomes a distraction. Trump's two preferred postures range from his passive conversation-time sessions with foreign leaders in adjoining chairs—"I'm-sitting-on-a-toilet-hands-between-my-knees-trying-to-follow-your-arguments"—to his aggressive podium posture—"I'm-gonna-square-my-shoulders-and-yell-my-flipping-orange-head-off." 

In contrast, Bernie stands alone as the only candidate whose public appearances often find him slouched so far forward that his ears are positioned below his shoulders—his nose positioned where you'd expect to find a bow-tie. 

Like no other candidate, Bernie combines the physical motifs of crouch, slouch and grouch. 

But there's good news for the Sanders campaign: there is a new product on the market that's designed to improve the posture of older, bent-over boomers. It's called a Posture Corrector and it slips over the arms and shoulders like a weighted backpack, instantly tugging the spine into a healthy, upright position. 

Let's encourage Bernie to buy and apply one. Our message of support to Sanders can be: "Bernie, we've got your back!" 

I'd love to see Bernie transformed from hunchback to fullback. 

The truth of the matter is that a politician (especially a democratic socialist) needs to stick his neck out and I, for one, would like to see Bernie's neck emerge from the sanctuary of his lapels. (We've already got one politician whose resemblance to a turtle has been widely noted—and nobody needs another Mitch McConnell.) 

And, while we're at it, could we persuade Bernie to smile more? It would be a boon if Bernie could make political struggle look like something that's engaging and not just enraging. 

Body language is a key tool in reaching the body politic. I want to vote for a candidate who "stands tall," "squares his shoulders," and "faces up to challengers." Not someone who "hunkers down" like a vulture in search of roadkill. 

Perhaps Bernie could sign up to take some charisma lessons from Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a young mover-and-shaker who's got a full menu of grassroots chops and enthusiasm to burn. Perhaps she could transmit some of this energy to Bern'. 

That would give me something to smile about.