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When Robi Damelin’s 28-year-old son was killed while serving as an Israeli soldier in the Occupied Territories of Palestine, she didn’t know what to do. She was overcome with a mixture of anger, sadness and confusion. Her son was a peace activist and nev er wanted to serve. She couldn’t figure out who or what to blame. 

When Nadwa Sarandah’s sister was stabbed to death in the streets of East Jerusalem, she became mired in her grief. After living under an occupation that she said had already taken away her dignity and her freedom, she couldn’t bare to lose another part of her life. 

Both women said they felt helpless. Both also knew, however, that whatever they did, they did not want to feed the cycle of violence and misunderstanding that robbed them of their loved ones. 

Damelin and Sarandah eventually met in the Parent’s Circle—Families Forum, an organization started by an Israeli man who also lost his son, formed to give bereaved parents and families an outlet for their grief. 

Now, several years later, Damelin and Sarandah continue to work together. On Monday, they addressed a crowd at the Berkeley-Richmond Jewish Community Center to tell their story during an event sponsored by Brit Tzedek v’Shalom, a national Jewish organization dedicated to finding a two-state solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. 

“If we can have one hope, we need to trust each other,” said Damelin, to crowd of about 30 people. Sitting side by side and often interrupting each other like old friends, the two women had the cr owd in tears several times after recounting their losses. 

They said that soon after joining the Parent’s Circle, they discovered the organization was not only a place to grieve but gave families on both sides of the conflict a forum to share their storie s and a place to start working toward reconciliation. Sarandah and Damelin have traveled around their countries together, recruiting parents and families to participate. 

At the JCC talk, Damelin read the letter she had written to the family of the Palest inian who killed her son. She said she had come to realize that her son wasn’t killed for being himself, but instead because he was a symbol of the occupation. This helped her better understand his death, she said, and she wanted to share this with the gunner’s family. 

“I know [your son] did not kill David because he was David,” Damelin read from the letter. “Let us put an end to the killing and find a solution through mutual understanding.” 

Sarandah delivered Damelin’s letter to the Palestinian family who she said were deeply affected by the occupation, cut off from the rest of the world by the roadblocks that surrounded their village. She learned that the man who had killed David was only a kid when he saw his uncle killed by Israeli forces. Since the n, his family had lost several more family members in the violence. 

“He had no hope whatsoever,” Sarandah said. 

Both women said the experience confirmed their belief that the only way to find a solution is to overcome the divisiveness and unite person to person and family to family at a grassroots level. 

“You can sign any paper you want,” said Damelin in reference to agreements such as the Oslo Accords or the Road Map. “But unless you have a reconciliation process, you will not have peace.” 

For more information about Sarandah or Damelin, or to find out more about the Parent’s Circle, visit www.theparentscircle.org.