Extra

Simple at Caffe Trieste

John Curl
Monday January 16, 2017 - 10:16:00 AM

Just as I was sitting down to my favorite espresso at Caffe Trieste, I glanced toward the window and to my utter surprise, sitting alone at a table was my old friend Simple. I hadn’t seen him in years. His real name was Jesse B. Semple, but everybody called him Simple.

“Jesse, how’ve you been?” I pulled a chair up to his table.

“Getting by, as always. You know what I mean. How about yourself?”

“I’m a survivor too, you know. Are you living around here these days or just passing through.”

“As they say, we’re all just passing through. You look a little down. Anything wrong?”

“Wrong? Donald Trump is going to be inaugurated in five days.”

“Is that all you’re worried about?”

“Isn’t that enough?”

“Trump’s not going to be president. That little weasel what’s-his-name is going to be president.”

“Who? Pence?”

“Where have you been? It’s all over the news.”

“I must have missed it.”

“That’s because it hasn’t all happened yet.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know those Moscow tapes that they got on Trump?”

“I heard something about them.” 

“Well you know,” Simple said, lowering his voice and bending close to me. “On those tapes is Trump with some Russian hookers. And they’re urinating on him. And that man Putin’s got the tapes of it.” 

“Really? Are they on YouTube?” 

“I haven’t seen them yet. But I figure that’s how this whole Trump thing started.” 

“How?” 

“Putin blackmailed Trump into running for president in the first place.” 

“Why would Putin do that?” 

“To get Crimea.” 

“I can’t believe that’s all true.” 

“It’s just a question of when the plane wreck will happen.” 

“Now I’m worrying even more.” 

“Just worry about the little weasel. They’re not going to let big weasel be president.” 

“The thought of President Pence makes me almost as sick.” 

“We’ll get through this, one way or another.” 

“I’m really glad to have bumped into you, Jesse. I like talking to you. You always see things that I miss. I wish I could figure out things the way you do.” 

“It’s not hard to figure things out,” he said, “Just be simple.”