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They built the nation’s capital on the banks of the Potomac River to satisfy the powerful Virginia lords of the time who, presumably, did not want to travel far from home to assume the presidency and other perks which they considered their own peculiar destiny. What the Virginians failed to let on before the plans were drawn up—clever fellows—was that the Potomac ran through the midst of a sickly swamp bottom.  

“Potomac Fever” was the name they gave the peculiar, brain-debilitating malady that afflicted those public servants forced to endure those godawful sweat-hot summers that straddle the Maryland and Virginia border. 

Time passed. The swamp got drained, and then paved over. But as the nation grew, and the power of the presidency with it, the name “Potomac Fever” hung on, now as the description of that peculiar, brain-debilitating malady that seemed to affect so many prominent United States citizens who grew loony, driven, and positively tongue-loose by a desire to occupy a bed in that nice little house on Pennsylvania Avenue. 

There’s no swamp along the Sacramento River—not now, anyways—but there must be something in the air up there that strikes California politicians with a similar malady, an intense desire to lay their heads on the pillows of the governor’s mansion (or the governor’s hotel suite, in the case of the incoming Mr. Schwarzenegger). Anyhow, I guess we’ll have to call it the Sacramento Shakes, and it seems to drive grown men mad. 

Billy Lockyer’s got it, and that’s about the only way you can account for the odd, recent ramblings of our state attorney general, who started off as such a decent-enough guy. 

On the day last spring that Modesto’s own Scott Peterson was arrested for the death of his pregnant wife, Laci, Mr. Lockyer was quoted in the Contra Costa Times saying that “this is a compellingly strong case. I would call the odds slam-dunk that he is going to be convicted.” 

One can understand Mr. Lockyer’s eagerness in this matter. The death of Laci Peterson has drawn the kind of national attention that we haven’t seen since—oh, gosh—the Kobe Bryant rape allegations. Watching Fox “news” from the ninth hour to the eleventh each night, one would think that the up-and-coming trial of Mr. Peterson equates to, at the very least, Christ before Pontius Pilate in its import on history and the modern world. 

Why hold down the office of attorney general, after all, if you don’t call attention to yourself by commenting upon attorney-type affairs? 

That the presentation of evidence at trial ought properly to precede a verdict predicted by the state’s top law enforcement officer apparently only made itself manifest to Mr. Lockyer ex post facto. In an explanatory interview with the Sacramento Bee in early summer, he explained that he had only been commenting about the reliability of DNA, which had been used to identify the body of Laci Peterson and her unborn son, Conner, after they were pulled out of the waters of the San Francisco Bay. “The question I thought I was asked is, is the DNA stuff reliable?” Mr. Lockyer explained. “My comment was that DNA is reliable by factors of billions to one. It was an absolute slam dunk that no defense lawyer can refute that these are the bodies of Laci and Conner.” 

Conviction. Refutation. Let’s not quibble about words that end in ion. 

But having once been bitten by the Sacramento bug, Mr. Lockyer cannot seem to shake it loose. 

Speaking to reporters during a UC Berkeley conference following the gubernatorial recall election, Mr. Lockyer responded to queries about allegations of sexual battery by incoming Gov. Schwarzenegger by saying, “I’m convinced Arnold didn’t really understand that he was caught up in frat boy behavior.” 

A week or so later, with time to reflect on his words, Mr. Lockyer called upon Mr. Schwarzenegger to “have some form of independent, third-party review of these complaints to see if there is any criminal liability that attaches,” adding that “there is a reason to worry about the acts that may have occurred.” 

First, define the state of mind of the alleged perpetrator when he did whatever he was supposed to have done. Next, define whatever it was that he was supposed to have done. Finally, call for an investigation to determine whatever it was that he was supposed to have done. Kind of backwards, don’t you think? Almost like waiting until the election is over to announce who you are going to support… 

Anyway, Mr. Lockyer breezed through his home town of Oakland this week, speaking at the Lake Merritt Breakfast Club in pursuit of his 2006 gubernatorial quest. In response to a query by the Oakland Tribune’s Peggy Stinnett about his Schwarzenegger comments, Mr. Lockyer explained his definition of “frat boy behavior” as encompassing “a wide range, from rowdiness to date rape. It’s the kind of words you should use when you don’t have the facts.” 

Ahhh. A breath of honesty, at last. A symptom not normally associated with the Sacramento Shakes.